Let It Rip

I was strapping an intoxicated patient onto a stretcher with leather restraints because he kept giving wet willies to one of the nurses in the ER. While doing so according to the nurses orders, I was trying to be as considerate as possible. As I tightened one of the restraints, I asked him if that felt alright. In response he said that that was like letting one rip and asking if that smelled alright.

That got me thinking about farting. What exactly is a fart (aka flatulence)? So after some research i learned a lot. "FART" can stand for Frequency Actuated Rectal Tremor. This happens when you pass intestinal gas through the anus.

Intestinal gas comes from the air we swallow, gas from the blood, gas from chemical reactions in the gut and from the bacteria living in that gut. The bacteria is the main source of this gas. For example when you eat beans, you may experience some flatutlence. This is due to the sugar that is in beans, which is hard for us to digest. Once this undigested sugar gets to the intestine, the bacteria have a feast. As they break down this sugar, gas is produced.

Bean farts arent the smelly kind though. The smell of farts comes from sulfur rich foods. The more sulfur rich foods you eat, the more sulfides and mercaptants (other gases) will be made by the bacteria in your guts, and the stinkier your farts will be. Stinky fart foods are cauliflower, eggs, and meat.

The sound of a fart is caused by the vibrations of the anal opening ofcourse. The sound depends on the speed of the fart leaving the body and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of your anus.

Foods that are great for making you fart (smelly or non) are broccoli, cabbage, raw apples, milk and raisins.

Now at the ER, in response to the intoxicated man's farting comment, a high school volunteer watching us mumbled a 'ha i dont let it rip dude". I reminded her that the broccoli and cabbage salad she had for lunch and that big glass of milk wont be supporting that smart comment anytime soon.

Soon we played 'finding the farter'. Ever heard of "Woever smelt it, dealt it?" Eventhough the fart smells the same to the one who delivered and the one who received, the deliverer probably smells it last because the fart is propelled away from the nose, unless it happens upwind.

Also, STINKY farts are generally warmer and quieter than regular farts. This is because the bacteria (main source of gasses) in the gut perform what we call bacterial fermentation, which in turn produces heat and various gasses. The resulting bubbles tend to be small, hot and concentrated. These emerge as SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to clap the sphincter, but are excellent in stench.

on that note...i m off to lunch.